confused

do you ever wonder if you use your fears to rationalize a decision because it is what you want, rather than just surrendering it to God? but i also think that sometimes we have certains fears, or the very least anxiaties, that are put in our hearts by God to help guide us. so how do you tell which is which? now i realize that the answer to that is that you pray about it. however i seem to like to cling to the feeling that i am completely responsible for every decision. and even though i pray about it and i tuely want God's imput/guidence/ability to take control when i am stupid and can only see what is directly infront of my face, rather than what is in the future, i still seem to be grasping for control. i will feel overwhelmed by a decision, but i some times think that it is supposed to be that way. if it is a big decision, isn't it natural to freak out over it? but i know that i don't need to. there is a verse in philipians that says not to worry about anything, but to pray about everything. God has promised me a peace beyond my understanding if i can just manage to let go and let Him take control. and that feeling that i should be freaking out is completely something of the world because it is directly contradicted in the word. i know this, but i still see, rather incapeable of relinquishing the ever sought after control. so basically, i don't know how people put up with me when i seem to thuroughly frustrate myself. i do have the amazing ability to be completely irrational. by the way, this is totally just me ranting. if you read this and are now as confused as i am, i apologize. actually, if you read this at all, i apologize. now if you are one of those people who lets their gaze wander down the page and randomly picks out words, and happen to see enough to know that you don't need to read this, i congratulate you on saving time. and at this point, i am rambling and should probably shut up now.