alive

why do the words escape my grasp?

i reach and strive for them,

lunge and chase after them, 

trying to express this.... thing.

ache?

longing?

swell?

how do i describe to you how it feels

for a heart to cry out to God?

i want to say it hurts,

but it doesn't. 

it feels as though something so much bigger

than my human heart

has been placed inside my chest.

and this thing is alive, 

pulsing through my veins.

and it feels with such passion,

at the core of its being

(which has become the essence of my being.)

a tumult of emotions:

a grief stronger

than i knew i could feel,

a joy far beyond

my frail understanding.

peace, calm, rejoicing, sorrow-

consuming me in flames,

burning my selfish ambition.

refining me. 

making me terribly and wonderfully...

alive.