random

have you ever noticed that at the bottom of each post, where the comment thingy is, it will say 1 comments? does the grammatical incorrectness of that not bother anyone else? 

alive

why do the words escape my grasp?

i reach and strive for them,

lunge and chase after them, 

trying to express this.... thing.

ache?

longing?

swell?

how do i describe to you how it feels

for a heart to cry out to God?

i want to say it hurts,

but it doesn't. 

it feels as though something so much bigger

than my human heart

has been placed inside my chest.

and this thing is alive, 

pulsing through my veins.

and it feels with such passion,

at the core of its being

(which has become the essence of my being.)

a tumult of emotions:

a grief stronger

than i knew i could feel,

a joy far beyond

my frail understanding.

peace, calm, rejoicing, sorrow-

consuming me in flames,

burning my selfish ambition.

refining me. 

making me terribly and wonderfully...

alive.

post secret

so i got this from the post secret website. i thought it was kind of something cool to think about.

first real paper

so i have now written my first real  paper in college. it was for my religion class. the assignment was to write about your on beliefs using religiology (which breaks down religion into different sections to better understand a system of beliefs). i thought it was pretty cool, although it took me a lot longer to write than i had anticipated. it was cool to sit down and have to define what i believe. i also got excited because i was explaining something, i would think of scriptural support to use. it was cool to see that even though i don't know God's word nearly as well as i should, i can still back up what i believe with it.

basically what religiology does is break things down into a bunch of different categories to see how religion answers different questions. for instance, you could look at how it addresses teleology, which asks what the meaning of life is. i guess the point is that it is good to know what you believe and why. i realize that isn't exactly a new idea to pretty much anyone who may read this, as i don't think many people do. 

the only problem i had with this assignment is that i have classifying my faith as religion. there is something about that word that makes me almost want to rebel. i think that it is because i have seen and heard about so many people that have been hurt by our "religion". it often times is turned into a game almost, and if you can't play it well enough, you get kicked out or wind up being hurt. but that isn't what it was supposed to be. i shouldn't hesitate in some situations to use the word christian to describe myself, but i do. i don't want people to apply so many of the stereotypes that go along with it to me.  i feel like i will automatically be thought of as pushy, judgmental, or hypocritical. is that really the way the church has portrayed its self? it kind of makes me sad to think about.

anyway, these were just things i had been thinking about. now i need to be thinking about how i portray all of those negative things in my life and start fixing that.